After attending a delightful dinner the other night, I was struck by a social dilemma that I wasn’t sure quite how to attend.
In a nutshell, when is it polite to clear the dishes if you are a guest for dinner?
I knew the people in question, I wanted to be polite and attentive but I was also aware that I was being treated as a guest and that thus far, I had not been expected to raise a finger. Was it presumptuous of me to start cleaning and offend the host? Or was it rude if I sat there like the Queen of Sheba and expected to be waited upon?
In the end I cleared the plates and helped with the washing up which I wanted to do, and felt it was comfortable for the host. When I entertain I like to do all the clearing and washing up myself but it is lovely when someone offers to help.
What would you do?
14 comments
I always offer but I hope they say no because I appreciate the break from the dishes when I am a guest at someone else’s home. I prefer that my guest don’t help it would be nice if they were having such a good time that things such as doing the dishes didn’t even enter their mind. I am also very particular about how I do things so I am happy to do it myself in my own way. I always help with my good friends because we are proably in a less formal mode in the kitchen anyway and will have prepared the meal together as well.
I spend way to much time cleaning up my own gaff and running around, after kids, work etc, so when I am invited to dinner at a friends place I tend to sit on my derriere and not move a muscle (the plates could sit for hours and I would not be fazed), not because I am lazy or rude, I just enjoy being entertained…and vica versa when they come to me
Sleekit x
This can be quite tricky. I’ve found that it’s smart to wait for the host to start and then jump on my feet to help. I hope no people think it’s rude to help when you’re actually being served a delicious meal!
Hi girl…
I wrote a post about you, and your blog:)
This is scary, but you have been such a huge inspiration to this Norwegian girl!
Check it out if you want…it comes from the heart…
http://www.girlaboutoslo.com/2011/02/step-your-game-up.html
Have a great day:)
Everyone knows never to bother asking to help cleaning up at my place. A guest is a guest, and a host is a host.
This way everyone gets a chance to enjoy themselves and relax at some point.
If you are always cleaning up as a host and as a guest, then when do you ever just get the chance to dress up, eat, drink and relax.
Take turns, I say. if its my house- I clean. Your house- you clean.
Just never turn up without something bubbly for your host!
I always offer to help & when it’s really good friends, I want them to let me help! 🙂
But at my dinners, I appreciate the offer but NEVER take anyone up on it. I say thanks but no, and then clean up myself. And I only clean up when everyone has gone home. I think this is the only way to entertain, for me 😀
I think it’s always polite to offer to help, but if the host insists on doing it all then that is also fine too… better to err on the side of caution and offer to help.
I err on the side of caution…
I am the same as you LM. I prefer to give my guests the “silver service” and I am happy for them to act like the Queen of Sheba. I like my kitchen to myself and I like doing the dishes at the end of the night. I find it satisfying.
However, some of my friends like to pitch in and help I do the same when I am at their house. It’s an unspoken rule.
I guess it’s just knowing the comfort level of your host. I always ask before I barge in. It’s being polite and aware that counts.
The kitchen has always been a very social place for me. Great conversation happens there.
I always offer to help clean up. If the host refuses my help then I will let it be. I am a bit the same when it comes to my guests… please offer to help, I can always say no.
I recall meeting a housemates new girlfriend for the first time when she came over for dinner. My boyfriend and I busted our butts to cook a nice roast. New girlfriend (and housemate) did not offer to clean up but instead retired to the loungeroom. The first impression left a sour taste in my mouth and has tainted my view of her ever since. Needless to say, we’ve never been invited to their place for dinner.
PS… and no, I’m not bitter at all.
Help to clear up. When you’re playing host/ess you’re attending to a zillion little things, and it’s easy to overlook something like clearing up the plates while you’re checking on dessert/making coffee/checking all your guests are happy. I know when I’m playing hostess I’m endlessly grateful if people help by simply bringing a few dishes into the kitchen to clear space on the table – I won’t accept help with the dishes, but clearing the table allows me to get the next round of plates ready and dessert/coffee served in a timely fashion. Or gives me a few minutes to sit and have a talk.
Unless there are waitstaff, I think it’s appropriate in this day and age to offer to help.
Hi
I always offer to help!
It helps to loosen things up, and you don´t feel so much like a guest…the quest thing can make you feel “stupid” and out of place sometimes…
Plus it is always good to feel like you did something…
So I always help, or at least ask if I can help!
Have a great day LM:)
I always offer help and if my host don’t accept I’ll insist. Usually it’s clear after this if they want or not my help.
I sit on both sides of the fence. Like you, I love to give all of my guests the star treatment when over for dinner/lunch but on the other hand I insist on helping out where I can if I’m at someone else’s house (unless they, of course, insist even further that I stay put).
I think it also depends on how well you know the person too xx