Should you help your ex hook up?

Imagine the bizarre sensation of reading an email from a woman who has met your ex boyfriend in a bar, and forgot to get his contact details. The boyfriend you thought you might once marry.

He mentioned you in passing, and thanks to Google she’s found you and now asks ‘would you be so kind as to pass on my details as I’d love to see him again.’

I actually laughed out loud, closed the email and walked away from my computer to make a cup of tea. Was this a joke?

On closer inspection of the email however, I realised that it wasn’t. This woman wanted my help hooking up with my ex.

There’s no universal truth when it comes to break-ups, some people are able to stay friends with past loves, especially when children are involved.

In my case I limped out of that relationship trailing a broken heart behind me like a ball and chain. I cut myself off from him and the life we had built over a long-term relationship because it was the only way I could cope.

Years have passed and the heightened emotion I once felt has subsided into a bemused nostalgia for the relationship because upon reflection, we weren’t right for each other. We weren’t chalk and cheese, we were chalk and graphite pencils. We’d stayed together for the sake of it and not because we were any more in love with each other than you might be with say, a bar of soap.

I got off the pity train long ago, and moved on to be happier than I’ve ever been in life with a new partner, new house, new neighborhood- the lot.

So does that mean I should now help him find a relationship? Do you help your ex hook up, or should you leave things in the past?

I have wondered if that emotional train was going to roll up to the door and say, ‘Hey you, get on we’re going to revisit old wounds, I hear they’ve missed you!’ after reading the email. Being reminded of love and loss from times gone by isn’t easy, especially when you have it in the palm of your hand, sitting in your inbox while reading it in bed.

But it didn’t and after much deliberation I forwarded the email because, whether it helps him hook up or not I have some new graphite pencils that need my attention. And guess what? We’re perfect for each other.